drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
