Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
