Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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