Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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