someone get that fucking seahorse.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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