I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
