i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to cum in my sink.
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