dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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