My friends, they love my intelligence
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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