Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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