are you so shy because you have an std?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
