Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
