Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
