tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
