that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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