he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
