so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
