So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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