should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
