i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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