This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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