I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
