kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
