Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
