I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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