would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
