there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
