He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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