..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
