Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
