I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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