Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
