your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
