I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
