he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
