If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
