yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
