You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
