He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
