I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
