Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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