I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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