As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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