In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
