i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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