Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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