I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
