I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
