i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
