You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
