The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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