i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
