he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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