He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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