omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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