Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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