I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
