..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
