I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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