Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
