he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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