Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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