I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
