saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
