Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
