my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize