So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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