According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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