Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
