i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
