The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
