Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
