Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
