I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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